Thank GOD I'm CrAzY!!!?!

So there's something to be said about being a little loopy.  Whether or not the loopy came before the kids is a debate for another day, but it's a useful tool in the day to day world of parenting, let me tell you... 
here's my favourite parenting tool, The Voices In My Head - 
These are perfect for maintaining an exterior of calm, while inwardly screaming at kid top volume.  As we see in this dialogue:


Outside Voice, the one the kid hears - "Did you just turn on my sewing machine again?"

kid - "yup"

Inside Voice, the one screaming in my head - "G-D kid.....how many TIMES do I have to tell you to leave my REALLYEXPENSIVEMACHINE ALONE!!!"

Outside Voice- "You know I don't think it is safe for you to play with my sewing machine without me, right?"

kid - "Yup.."

Inside Voice- "GRRRRRRR..."

Outside Voice- "What made you think it was a good idea to use my machine without me?"

kid - "cuz I wanted to....."

Inside Voice- "OMG if I did everything I fricken' wanted to just cuz I wanted to....and you should KNOW BETTER, I ONLY TOLD YOU THIS 3 FRICKEN" MINUTES AGO!!!!!"

Outside Voice- "I love that you have good ideas in your head that you want to explore.  I love that you wanted to make something all-by-yourself..I just don't like that you aren't listening when I'm trying to keep you safe, so now we have to leave the sewing room, and we can't finish the project that we were working on together."

kid - "YELL, SCREAM, WHINE, SHOUT, COMPLAIN, PROTEST.....!!!!!!!!!!"

Inside Voice- "OMG, IF I HAVE TO LISTEN TO THIS ALL DAY I MAY GO POSTAL...CUT THIS OUT THIS INSTANT!!!"

Outside Voice- "I hear that you are upset by this change in events....but it isn't safe to have a person who is having troubles listening in the sewing room - we could get hurt, so out we go..."

kid -"I love you mommy, we will sew later?!"

Inside Voice- "Not if I have anything to say about it, that's MY sanctuary, and you will stay the hell away!"

Outside Voice- "We will discuss that later after your bath."

.................etc etc.....ad nauseum.......

"Completely convinced that each white hair is one inside voice dialogue leaking out my skull...."