Change of heart.

6 year old B just pulled her bath towel into the tub with her.  A full sized bath sheet.  Got it totally waterlogged, and then pulled the drain.  While i was watching a TedX documentary in the next room.     It will take forever to dry.  And laundry day for towels was yesterday so we have a while to wait with soaky towel. My initial reaction?  Anger.  Frustration. Reprimands, and calls of "why oh why do you keep doing things like this to me?!!!"

.....

To me.

.....

Her response? "But it's MY towel!"
More arguing over the towel's 'owner'.
About who has to do laundry and who paid for the towel, etc etc. ....

And then it hit me.

To her, I was being the adult voice in those old Charlie brown cartoons -

"Wanh- Wanh-wanh. ...wanh-wanh-wanh ....wanh" 

She was learning nothing, gaining nothing, benefiting in no way from my ridiculous diatribe over a wet towel.

And really.  It was just a freaking towel.

I was yelling at my daughter for thinking outside the box.  I was yelling at my daughter for making ME think outside the box.

Me! Seasoned Pinterest hunter of new and creative and unusual ways to learn and have messy fun!

So I stopped. And looked.  Really looked.  And saw what she saw.  A medium for creativity.   Amidst the heavy folds of semi-submerged towel there were valleys.    And mountains.  And rivers.  And most interestingly,  a large dam, blocking the last of the water from descending down the drain.

And I regrouped.

 

So we talked a bit about the dam, and what it was doing, and how it worked. And we washed up B, no arguing over shampoo or soap, for the first time in ages, and made soap-sud mountain-peak snow...  and turned the shower on to replenish the reservoir (and rinsed her off)....and she happily played, and discovered, trying new ways to create a fountain or a waterfall,  or to connect rivers and lakes.....

cat assessing bathtub towel aftermath....verdict:  no biggie.

And when it was all done, I wrung out the towel and hung it to dry.

Later that night, putting B to bed, I shared my learning experience with her.  I told her about how frustrated I was at first when I saw only what she shouldn't have been doing, instead of what she was trying to do. 

And I thanked her.

For the learning experience. 

For teaching me.

yeah...this happened.

MY 5-year-old kid is smart.  Too smart.  She is able to extract information from one situation and apply it in new ways.  Like when there's a green arrow in one video game to move to the next thing to do, she recognizes that in most other games, the same holds true.  Sometimes, however, this genius leads to some seriously funny lateral thinking.   For instance, today's stroke of brilliance:

I've been trying to teach the cats' body language to B, so that she understands when to be near them, when to leave them alone, and when to be offended by them....(grin). She usually gets mad at the cat when they put their butts in her face (who can blame her, really...), but her being mad at them often involves her yelling at them, or worse, hitting at them.  So I have been trying to explain to her that it's actually a cat's way of showing their friendship and trust - because cats and dogs sniff each others' butts to communicate. So this afternoon, as I am making lunch, Bis crawling around the floor, as she has been known to do. All of a sudden she puts her legs up in the air, points her butt at me and says "Hey mommy! You're my friend!"

great.

What a different world....

Being a parent in this era is frighteningly different than when we were kids.  I recently read an article about a Guelph family who is living a year like it's 1986.  I never really thought about the differences before, except when I get a question from D or B like "what's a cassette player?"  We now live in an era where "perfect" parenting ideals can be seen high and low, you can find infinite posts online about perfect school lunches, make-your-own crafts with kids, how to live free of television, how to use television to make smarter kids, how to spend more time with your kids, how not to yell at the kids, why not to vaccinate, why TO vaccinate, how to helicopter parent, how not to helicopter parent, how to spend more time outside, which baby groups to join, which books to read...Baby Einstein DVDs to make your kid smarter, Baby Einstein DVDs to make your kids dumber, teaching  your baby Sign Language, internet safety, viruses that have nothing to do with human illness, how and why to eat less junk food, the junk they put in your supposed "healthy food", GMOs, Dead honeybees......Knowledge that we were blissfully ignorant of while eating our neon orange, high salt Kraft Dinner or Chef Boyardee for lunch when we were kids...

I was born in 1976.  I lived happily without cell phones and blue tooth, data packages and Netflix, DVD players and MP3 players, I got my first CD player when I was 18!  I lived without cordless nightlights and clocks that light up when it's "OK to wake!", the INTERNET, digital cameras, cameras on your phone, instant upload, online social media, recipes for EVERYTHING online, there was no "app for that"....vaccines for chicken pox and the FLU, ...I walked to school alone in Toronto in elementary school, and took the subway with friends...went to the theatre and bought my tickets in person, didn't check seating charts and order online.....I remember the controversy that was the beginning of Sunday Shopping, Debit Cards, I remember using the bank of pay telephones in the mall to check in with my mom, or call friends in private...I remember the disbelief that one could now send photos and forms and letters by TELEPHONE on this amazing invention called a FAX machine.. I remember the amazement when they allowed more than one phone line in the house, probably to offset those fax machines... or more than one  phone number/ringtone for a single land line!  I was also around before the era of telemarketers.... I was around for the invention of the expression "landline", as well as "text me", "friend me", LOL, OMG, BFF...

I remember when Avent baby bottles were the best on the market, so different than the others.  I remember the controversy when Avent baby bottles were not taken OFF the market when it was discovered that they were laden with toxic BPA....I remember when no one wore their children in a sling, when snuggli was the only (albeit horrid) carrier around that people knew about...when strollers faced forward only, couldn't house your up-to-35lb child infant car seat, and didn't have interchangeable seats at all...I remember stainless steel and vinyl coated highchairs and booster seats, seats with fold out steps that made a satisfying "clang" when you played with the steps with your feet - no straps on those!  I remember the doctor's house-call service when my fever was over 40C at midnight, getting cold medication before the age of 6, sitting in the front seat of the car, no child safety seat, or in my dad's LAP when he was driving, under the age of 5....

I remember the isolation when friends couldn't or wouldn't play, when no one was around to talk on the phone, or the line was busy, because that was the ONLY social outlet at home, no chat rooms, or online forums.... I remember feeling like a loser or a geek because I liked things that the kids in my micro-universe didn't, and there were no "it gets better" projects back then.  I remember pretty stationary and pen-pals from another country, I remember singing highly inappropriate and racist kid-taunts and songs, not knowing their impact on the world, and remember being the butt of some of those remarks and songs...I remember singing "Free to be You and Me", and watching this gem on reel-to-reel and a projection screen in class:

I remember $2.00 Tuesdays at the movie theatre in the mall.  The small one, with 2 choices, and no Dolby-digital surround sound.  I remember when everything WASN'T produced in China, or other "less developed" countries where abuse and child labour were prevalent, as we are learning about in social media circles right now.....and a time before dollar stores....  I remember handing in hand written school assignments...double spaced, writing neatly to the right of the red line on our loose-leaf lined paper....and later the zip-zip screechy sound of the dot-matrix printer, and having to separate all of the perforated edges of the page guides.....I remember learning to properly touch-type with 10 fingers on a TYPEWRITER with no letters on the keys, either so we memorized them, or because they were so well-worn the letters were gone.....Changing the ink ribbon....spacing manually....going to the library to research school projects.... I even remember the Dewey-decimal system, and card-stock library tags in the backs of the library books where you put your name and the due date, rather than bar codes...stuffed animals and dolls that didn't come with their own websites, but were fun on their own...

I remember biking for hours, as far from home as I dared, on my own or with my friend...reading for hours when it was raining, Commander Tom's world when watching TV in the basement on Sunday Mornings while my parents slept...following the morning show schedule, WITH commercials, and not having a choice as to watch anything else...later playing cartridges or big black floppy discs on our Commodore 64...

Being allowed, at age 10 to invent cake recipes with my friend...and use the oven without supervision!

I remember when K-mart was the enemy, where no one wanted to admit to shop at because it was totally uncool, and before the invasion of Walmart and Target.....I remember fluorescent clothing the First time around, as well as Big hair and WAY too much makeup...Lip Smackers flavoured lip gloss...Plastic Hallowe'en costumes with plastic masks that were impossible to see through, and got all sweaty or broke before the end of trick-or-treating...

What will my kids remember?  What will stick out for them as important?  Exciting?  New?  Different?  How will they value themselves and judge themselves in an era where every possible bit of information to compare themselves against is out there, in your pocket, on the computer, on digital bill-boards....when every child's private life, and every teens' love life is posted with photographs online...when library research is replaced with online research...when you can self-diagnose online without going to a doctor...

I'm scared for my children.  There's so much more to navigate than when we were young.  But I'm also excited for them....and their children....

  As a favourite musician puts it:

 

" ..They'll learn much more...than I'll ever know..."

 

kindergartener in love....

Okay, so thanks to a fever-induced lack of good judgement by C several months ago, B was introduced to the Never Say Never documentary about young Justin Bieber.  And, as all 4 year olds do, we have watched this documentary a gagillion times.  If it was a good old VHS, it'd be worn out by now.  Thank goodness for Netflix (or curse them, for making this documentary available in the first place...).  When her sister finally completely objected to watching it for the thousandth time, B pitched a fit, of course, but then silently swore to herself she'd watch him every time D was away from the house.  The less-than-secret love affair could continue.  Now, any time D gets to go somewhere that B can't, like a play date with a school friend, B consoles herself with the sweet peppy music of mini-Bieber.

Aaah, young love....

Needless to say, she's a bit obsessed with him now.  

But only with the 14 year old Justin.  She doesn't want anything to do with the adult version.  Thankfully.  And because she is only 4, and time makes no real sense to her, this apparent contradiction in reality does not yet pose a problem for her.  She's even decided that when she's an adult (age 14 in her mind) she's going to adopt a baby, and if it's a boy, she's calling it Justin, and if it is a girl, she's calling it Joostin!  

We went back to school clothes shopping at Value Village yesterday, and she's beside herself with glee because we relented and let her get 2 JB shirts... she was in love, and they were only $2 bucks each.... D rolled her eyes, and B's response was an indignant "What?!!  I NEEEEEEDED them!  Of COURSE I did!"

The BEST JB story happens today though -  going through  B's clothes drawers to pull out the old stuff she doesn't wear or that doesn't fit anymore... I pulled out a few shirts that just have never made the cut.  She agrees that she's not going to wear them, but to console either herself, or me (I'm not sure which) she says to me, in complete seriousness "That's okay, we'll save them for [baby] Justin - he'll need them when he does his rock concerts".  She was DEAD SERIOUS!!!!!

HOW do you keep a straight face when hit with that?!! seriously?!! 

gawd having kids is awesome.

Magic Mud. Thank-You, Dr. Zed.

 Do any of the rest of you remember Dr. Zed, and his experiments from Owl magazine?  I used to get those Scholastic Book Orders every month, for books I could buy, and help our school earn a few books as resources...Those Scholastics still come home with the kids, and Owl, and it's younger sibling Chickadee are still out there, but I haven't seen good ol' Dr. Zed in a long while...so of course, I went to the one place I KNEW I'd get some answers.  I googled it.  Not much was out there, because apparently, he has since retired from magazine fame....I did find a good pic of him in the Owl Magazine archives...

He had his own books too - I had, and still have, Dr. Zed's Dazzling Book of Science Activities.  It's out of print, these days. The ONE reason I wanted this book, the ONLY reason I wanted this book, so badly that I begged for DAYS to get it from the Scholastic orders, was the hope that it would have the recipe for the amazing and magical concoction known as Magic Mud.  Now, this was in the days pre- Pinterest, and Google, remember.  Even before the remarkable Interweb....

Much to my chagrin, it did not have the recipe, and for years after, I wondered how to make the magical stuff.  

As an adult now, I want to spare my children the misery and longing of never experiencing magic mud.  So, I have used the web, and all of the resources available to us in this amazing 21st century, and when kid #1 was old enough not to eat the stuff, she was introduced to magic mud!

Having a child with sensory issues (namely kid #2) has made experimenting with stuff like this all the more important and useful as a day-to-day tool for keeping mommy sane" as well as giving her some well needed tactile stimulation.  I'm going to share the recipe here with you now, with photos of our day yesterday, enjoying ourselves with it.

*Note - half of the enjoyment of magic mud is the MAKING of it.  If you are doing this with your kiddo, please let them help.  It will mean the world to them, and it will make it all the more a fun experience!  This WILL make a mess, be prepared for it.  But it is actually SUPER easy to clean up - it is very water soluble, and when dry vacuums up super easy.

You will need:  one large bowl or deep tray, one box of cornstarch, tap water, and some sort of colouring.  I've used Wilton cake dye, mixed into the water before adding it to the cornstarch.  Any food dye, or even juice would probably work.  Here`s B opening up the box of cornstarch.  She needed help ripping open the waxy-paper baggie inside.

 

 Step 1:  Dump cornstarch into bowl.  B is taking this very seriously.  To her, this needs to be as exact as when we are baking.  She doesn't realize that there's not really a way to do this wrong!

 

 Step 2:  B is mixing the Wilton icing dye that I put in the water.  I was smart enough not to let her put the coloured paste in herself, because I know it would have been a disaster.  That stuff stains before it is diluted, and B's self-control is, shall we say, lacking.  If you are using juice, or even regular food dye drops, your kiddo could probably enjoy adding it themselves....

 

Step 3:  Pour the coloured liquid into the cornstarch.  I used about 2.5 cups for the box of cornstarch, this is a 1 cup measuring cup in the picture, we refilled it.  Have towels on hand if you or your young one's aim or self control is questionable. 

 

Step 4:  Get messy!  Hands in, mix it up and play!  You will get the coolest textured goop ever.  Half liquid, half solid, both at the same time, neither...mix,  play, have FUN.  And not just your kiddo.  Get your own hands in there.  Even if you hate messy hands.  It's therapeutic.  Cathartic.

 

Pick up solid fistful of goo

Open fist - solid dryish mass turns to ooze

 The solid-liquid gooeyness of being able to pick up a solid "chunk" of the stuff, and then letting it ooze all liquidy back into the bowl is unbeatable.  Trust me.  

At this point I learned a new trick.  Put a towel under your play area.  The rationale is two-fold.  One, it makes the clean-up WAY easier.  Take towel out to yard and shake.  Wash towel.  

Two, we discovered that magic mud makes great mud pies on the towel, as the liquid is absorbed into the towel....and neat little dry-ish mud balls too.  More water was added after to the bowl to re-moisten the mud.

It is also fun to add toys - any plastic ones that can be easily rinsed off - this stuff doesn't stick permanently.  It rinses easily and cleanly away. 

This activity easily falls into my acceptable indoor project ratio of:

[Fun time]=/>[prep time]+[clean time]

where =/> means equal or greater to.

 

Have fun!

Thank GOD I'm CrAzY!!!?!

So there's something to be said about being a little loopy.  Whether or not the loopy came before the kids is a debate for another day, but it's a useful tool in the day to day world of parenting, let me tell you... 
here's my favourite parenting tool, The Voices In My Head - 
These are perfect for maintaining an exterior of calm, while inwardly screaming at kid top volume.  As we see in this dialogue:


Outside Voice, the one the kid hears - "Did you just turn on my sewing machine again?"

kid - "yup"

Inside Voice, the one screaming in my head - "G-D kid.....how many TIMES do I have to tell you to leave my REALLYEXPENSIVEMACHINE ALONE!!!"

Outside Voice- "You know I don't think it is safe for you to play with my sewing machine without me, right?"

kid - "Yup.."

Inside Voice- "GRRRRRRR..."

Outside Voice- "What made you think it was a good idea to use my machine without me?"

kid - "cuz I wanted to....."

Inside Voice- "OMG if I did everything I fricken' wanted to just cuz I wanted to....and you should KNOW BETTER, I ONLY TOLD YOU THIS 3 FRICKEN" MINUTES AGO!!!!!"

Outside Voice- "I love that you have good ideas in your head that you want to explore.  I love that you wanted to make something all-by-yourself..I just don't like that you aren't listening when I'm trying to keep you safe, so now we have to leave the sewing room, and we can't finish the project that we were working on together."

kid - "YELL, SCREAM, WHINE, SHOUT, COMPLAIN, PROTEST.....!!!!!!!!!!"

Inside Voice- "OMG, IF I HAVE TO LISTEN TO THIS ALL DAY I MAY GO POSTAL...CUT THIS OUT THIS INSTANT!!!"

Outside Voice- "I hear that you are upset by this change in events....but it isn't safe to have a person who is having troubles listening in the sewing room - we could get hurt, so out we go..."

kid -"I love you mommy, we will sew later?!"

Inside Voice- "Not if I have anything to say about it, that's MY sanctuary, and you will stay the hell away!"

Outside Voice- "We will discuss that later after your bath."

.................etc etc.....ad nauseum.......

"Completely convinced that each white hair is one inside voice dialogue leaking out my skull...."

On Bullying.

if you have yet to see this video, you must.

Important lessons in life taught to me by my special children...

• My schedule need not always apply.
• Sometimes there's nothing more lovely than toes on a warm heating vent.
• Just because I'm the adult, doesn't mean I always know better.
• Feelings are subjective:  
• Scary for me isn't the same as scary for you 
• Loud for me isn't the same as loud for you
• Bright for me isn't the same as bright for you
• itchy for me isn't the same as itchy for you
• hot for me isn't the same as hot for you.  
• etc...etc...   
• You are never too old, too sophisticated, too tired, or too busy to drop everything and dance to the music in your head.



Winter Garden - sticks, plastic bags, tape, and a 4 year old.

•  Pyjama days are a necessity of life.
•  Crafts do not need training, store bought supplies, or Pinterest - tape, scissors and a plastic shopping bag can make beauty.
• Sometimes an hour of clean up is worth it for 15 minutes of exciting discovery and creativity
• Cleaning the house is not as important as doing a puzzle.
• Being a kid IS harder than being an adult - we were right!
• Proper spelling is subjective - D4 works just as well as BEFORE , depending on how you pronounce it in the first place...
• booboos are TRAGIC - but only if you can SEE them - Band-aids do make you feel better.
• The only opinion that really matters is that of the cat.
• You can have way more than ONE favourite ANYTHING.
• Of COURSE birthdays mean parties!?!?!!
• Spinning around in circles is a necessity of life.
• There's no point in staying upset, or holding a grudge.
• Stickers on the door frame do constitute beautiful interior design.     
•  Sleep when you need it - not when it's scheduled.
• Most learning doesn't happen in school, or by direction.
• The box has WAY more potential than the toy inside.
• Not everything you read in the parenting books applies to me.
• Love is unconditional.
• Everything I expected to be and do as an adult was wrong - But this reality is WAY WAY better.